It’s extremely common to not remember part or all of the trauma that you’ve experienced. This can happen in instances of childhood abuse, childhood neglect, childhood sexual abuse, adult domestic violence, or rape and sexual assault in adulthood.
As a trauma therapist, many of my clients have gaslit or discredited themselves over the years because they couldn’t remember parts or all of the trauma they’ve been through.
So why does our brain block out traumatic memories? Below I’ve listed the top three facts related to the blocking out traumatic memories that are helpful for trauma survivors to know…
1. Blocking out memories is different than blacking out memories. Let me explain: When we are extremely under the influence of alcohol or drugs, some of us of experience what it is like to ”black out.” We might look back on the night before and not remember what happened after we had a certain amount to drink or use. When we black out, our brain is not even recording what is going on in the present. We might have trauma when we wake up from a blackout, but the actual experiences that we had while blacked out are not being recorded by her memory. This is very different than when we block out a memory because our brain has recorded everything that has happened but it is just protecting us from those memories. The main difference here is that our brain is using the danger that happened during the memories that we blocked out in our present day reactions so even though we don’t remember everything, it is still having an extreme effect on us.
2. Our brain is trying to protect us. If a certain event happened that we are unable to process emotionally at the time because it was too damaging to us or felt too dangerous. Then our brain is now going to be recording this memory, and storing it in a part of our brain that we can’t access. It doesn’t actually mean that we can never access the memories although sometimes that is the case. Some folks in their 70s are having flashbacks for the first time about childhood sexual abuse that happened when they were eight years old. Other folks start having flashbacks in their early 20s from childhood sexual abuse that happened when they were six. Other folks just know that some thing happened because of the reactions they have to sex and the nightmares they have, but they may never remember exactly what happened. Our system can only process so much at a time, and if the trauma was out of our window of tolerance, and our nervous system could not process it, but it is likely that we will block out some or all of it. But again, as stated above, it still has an extreme affect on us and our present behavior, even if we can’t remember what happened.
3. It is still possible to heal from trauma where we don’t know the details of what happened. This is because we use the body as a starting point. 80% of the information sent to our nervous system is sent from our body to our brain. Only 20% is sent from our brain to our body. This is why a lot of trauma therapist believe that trauma is held in our body. That’s why in a certain situation we might not intellectually know what triggered us, but our body is extremely triggered because of something that happened. So even if we don’t remember everything that happened, we can still do somatic therapy such as Emdr, IFS, somatic, experiencing and mindfulness to heal.
Most importantly I want to state that IT IS NORMAL and THERE IS HOPE. Believe yourself! Your body knows what happened. Don’t second guess yourself or gaslight yourself.
Some people get so caught up in trying to remember every detail of what their brain blocked out and that is not the way to heal. If it was helpful for you to remember what happened, then your brain will give you access to it. Trust your body.
Remember that your body loves you and is always only trying to protect you. And seek therapy for trauma you don’t remember! It is still possible to heal even without all the nitty gritty details.
You deserve healing!
If you have any more questions about childhood trauma therapy, childhood abuse therapy or trauma therapy please reach out via the Metta Holistic Therapy contact page or email me directly at reneeminxtherapy@gmail.com – if you’re in crisis or an emergency please call 911.
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